seannah
how can i talk to her and not bring it up what should i get herto make her fell happy should i give them the baby gift i got them
Answer
Most women want to talk about what has happened to them, and be allowed to express their sadness and emptiness now that their baby has died. Don't be afraid to talk about the baby, or the mother's loss. Do not turn away or change the subject if your friend wants to talk about these subjects, because that would show that you care more about your own comfort than her grief. Helping a friend through a miscarriage involves being a sounding board, listening to her grief, holding her hand, or offering a literal shoulder to cry on as needed.
It's okay to tell her that you don't know what to say. You might tell her how sorry you feel that she lost her baby. Share the joy you experienced with her when she told you about her pregnancy. Most of all, let her know that you care. Even though most women want to talk, your friend may not be at that point, so don't "expect" her to say or do anything.
Ask your friend if she has done anything to provide a tangible memory of her baby. If she has not but would like to, you might be able to help her. Some people hold a memorial service and/or have a marker placed on the grave where their child is buried. Others want something they can keep in their home such as a stuffed animal with a birth certificate, which is made up with the baby's name and other information. For many parents, some type of memorial is very helpful in their grieving process.
Offering to help your friend in a physical way - cleaning, cooking, answering the phone, driving her or older children to where they need to go - can be a great relief. However, don't give a vague offer of help and expect her to call you when she needs something. She may be in no condition mentally to remember who made the offer, and probably won't want to burden you with her needs anyway. However, she would probably be very glad to have you step in to take care of some of the routine things that need to be done -- things she is just too numb to care about. Remember, too, that other family members will be grieving in their own way and that should also be respected.
Let me offer a word of caution. Comforting your friend does not mean offering platitudes or trying to explain why she lost her child or trying to make her "get over" her loss. This is her loss, and it always will be. The baby she lost is no less a part of her life than if a birth had taken place. Do not tell her how to grieve, and do not make her feel that she is being judged for how she grieves (or for the fact that she lost her child). Society tries to "sweep it under the rug" and tends to make the mother feel like she is wrong for grieving. Be considerate her feelings.
Remember, the grief should not be for the child, but for the parent(s) now left without the child. The child is now in heaven, and if the parents know Jesus as their Savior they will one day see their child again.
Most women want to talk about what has happened to them, and be allowed to express their sadness and emptiness now that their baby has died. Don't be afraid to talk about the baby, or the mother's loss. Do not turn away or change the subject if your friend wants to talk about these subjects, because that would show that you care more about your own comfort than her grief. Helping a friend through a miscarriage involves being a sounding board, listening to her grief, holding her hand, or offering a literal shoulder to cry on as needed.
It's okay to tell her that you don't know what to say. You might tell her how sorry you feel that she lost her baby. Share the joy you experienced with her when she told you about her pregnancy. Most of all, let her know that you care. Even though most women want to talk, your friend may not be at that point, so don't "expect" her to say or do anything.
Ask your friend if she has done anything to provide a tangible memory of her baby. If she has not but would like to, you might be able to help her. Some people hold a memorial service and/or have a marker placed on the grave where their child is buried. Others want something they can keep in their home such as a stuffed animal with a birth certificate, which is made up with the baby's name and other information. For many parents, some type of memorial is very helpful in their grieving process.
Offering to help your friend in a physical way - cleaning, cooking, answering the phone, driving her or older children to where they need to go - can be a great relief. However, don't give a vague offer of help and expect her to call you when she needs something. She may be in no condition mentally to remember who made the offer, and probably won't want to burden you with her needs anyway. However, she would probably be very glad to have you step in to take care of some of the routine things that need to be done -- things she is just too numb to care about. Remember, too, that other family members will be grieving in their own way and that should also be respected.
Let me offer a word of caution. Comforting your friend does not mean offering platitudes or trying to explain why she lost her child or trying to make her "get over" her loss. This is her loss, and it always will be. The baby she lost is no less a part of her life than if a birth had taken place. Do not tell her how to grieve, and do not make her feel that she is being judged for how she grieves (or for the fact that she lost her child). Society tries to "sweep it under the rug" and tends to make the mother feel like she is wrong for grieving. Be considerate her feelings.
Remember, the grief should not be for the child, but for the parent(s) now left without the child. The child is now in heaven, and if the parents know Jesus as their Savior they will one day see their child again.
Memorial ideas?
Q. Im having a memorial for my newborn son this week. Without listing evrything I have planned,if you have any special ideas I may not have thought of,Id like to "hear" them. I want this to be as perfect as it can be. TY.
Answer
I lost a baby boy at 21w3d due to incompatent cervix...he lived for 3 short hours. I know how you must be feeling! Its horrible and no one should have to deal with this.
I have a few songs that I love. At first they made me cry my eyes out but they help me now.
Have your volume turned up because it will automaticley start to play on both.
http://blog.myspace.com/mommy2josalynn
http://www.compassionatefriends.org/precious_child.htm
A heart of gold stopped beating,
Two wonderful eyes are at rest,
God broke our hearts
To prove to us
He takes only the best.
God knew you had to leave us,
But you did not go alone;
For part of us went with you
The day He took you home.
To some you are forgotten,
To some a part of the past,
But to those who loved and lost you,
Your memory will always last.
Daddy Please don't look so sad, Mommy please don't cry
"Cause I am in the arms of Jesus and He sings me lullabies
Please, try not to question God, don't think he is unkind.
Don't think He sent me to you, and then He changed His mind.
You see, I am a Special child, and I'm needed up above.
I'm the Special gift you gave Him, the product of your love.
I'll always be there with you, and watch the sky at night.
Find the brightest star that's gleaming,
That's my halo's brilliant light.
You'll see me in the morning frost that mists your window pane.
That's me in the summer showers I'll be dancing in the rain.
When you feel a little breeze from a gentle wind that blows.
That's me, I'll be there, planting a kiss on your nose.
When you see a child playing, and your heart feels a little tug,
That's me, I'll be there Giving your heart a hug.
So daddy, please don't look so sad, mommy don't you cry.
I'm in the arms of Jesus, and He sings me lullabies.
I lost a baby boy at 21w3d due to incompatent cervix...he lived for 3 short hours. I know how you must be feeling! Its horrible and no one should have to deal with this.
I have a few songs that I love. At first they made me cry my eyes out but they help me now.
Have your volume turned up because it will automaticley start to play on both.
http://blog.myspace.com/mommy2josalynn
http://www.compassionatefriends.org/precious_child.htm
A heart of gold stopped beating,
Two wonderful eyes are at rest,
God broke our hearts
To prove to us
He takes only the best.
God knew you had to leave us,
But you did not go alone;
For part of us went with you
The day He took you home.
To some you are forgotten,
To some a part of the past,
But to those who loved and lost you,
Your memory will always last.
Daddy Please don't look so sad, Mommy please don't cry
"Cause I am in the arms of Jesus and He sings me lullabies
Please, try not to question God, don't think he is unkind.
Don't think He sent me to you, and then He changed His mind.
You see, I am a Special child, and I'm needed up above.
I'm the Special gift you gave Him, the product of your love.
I'll always be there with you, and watch the sky at night.
Find the brightest star that's gleaming,
That's my halo's brilliant light.
You'll see me in the morning frost that mists your window pane.
That's me in the summer showers I'll be dancing in the rain.
When you feel a little breeze from a gentle wind that blows.
That's me, I'll be there, planting a kiss on your nose.
When you see a child playing, and your heart feels a little tug,
That's me, I'll be there Giving your heart a hug.
So daddy, please don't look so sad, mommy don't you cry.
I'm in the arms of Jesus, and He sings me lullabies.
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