Dawn M
im 29 and a single mom of a 3 year old. sometimes i feel so overwhelmed. i dont have any family around to watch him to get me some time to do stuff on my own, my dad is very old and cant do it but every once in a blue moon. and most of my friends disapeard after i had him because they dont have any kids and wanted to continue there "party lifestyle" and i couldnt do it anymore. i love my son , but i need some advice or words of wisdom please.
Answer 1. Schedule mini-breaks: While you can have it all, you canât have it all at the same time! Schedule 10-20 minute breaks during these hectic days.
2. A positive perspective: The easiest way to lift up our selves is to lift up someone else. Visit www.volunteer.org for ideas on how you can help others. Volunteer opportunities come in all shapes and sizes and can fit any time and/or budget.
3. Delegate: Take off the super-mom cape and delegate responsibilities to other family members.
4. Party with a Purpose: Say goodbye to marathon baking and usher in a party with a purpose. Host an afternoon get together, inviting friends and family to bake their favorite recipe in bulk. Each quest will leave with a sampling of each recipe. Purchase cute gift boxes or have your children stamp or color small paper bags and use assorted treats as gifts for teachers, neighbors, etc.
5. The greatest thing since sliced bread: The âgift cardâ is a wonderful solution for those who âhave everything.â Consider a gas, bookstore,
music, electronics, coffee, grocery, or department store, gift card.
6. Write it down: While you may have the memory of Einstein or an elephant, this is not the season to test it. Create a Holiday Notebook for recording all your notes, thoughts, ideas, contacts, gift lists, and dates.
7. What goes in⦠must come out: Avoid dramatic changes in eating and drinking habits as delectable holiday goodies circulate. Food and mood go hand-in-hand.
8. Balance your budget: Be creative with your financing and plan in advance for gift-giving and large menu purchases. Sticking to your budget will not only decrease holiday stress, but post-holiday- shopping-stress as well.
9. Marathon shopping: Early in the holiday season, take a day off mid-week and do a marathon shopping expedition before the malls (and their parking lots) are packed.
10. Browse and buy: Shopping online offers the convenience of automatic shipping and 24/7 access. Shop early to save on last-minute handling costs.
Single Mom Christmas?
Jennifer23
I have gone thru some life changes this year had a divorce, mother died, you name it it has happened. I went from having no debt to nothing but debt, I thought by December I would have a hold on things but all I did was rob from peter to pay paul, now I really did it! I have no Christmas tree, no decorations no nothing. Rent is due in 9 days and I don't have one cent towards it. My problem is my 12 year old daughter, I feel like the worst Mom not being able to give her a little Christmas something. I have enough in the bank to buy food for us for the next 2 weeks but thats all I have (we have been living on ramen noodles and eating cheap like eggs and toast for months now) My question is do you think it would be cheesey for me to write her a letter and give it to her on Christmas morning? explaining what I have done and I'm so sorry I ruined her holiday but at least we are healthy and such...yada yada yada.
Answer
although it is probably too late, a letter of love to her is something that can be cherished, don't apologize but focus on fun things you have done in the past, what you love about her, how much she means to you....talk about the joy of giving and find someone to do something nice for..donate old toys to a place or a doctors office or day care or someplace that can use them. Make little gifts for neighbors, or relatives and leave on their doorstep with a nice little note..this is teaching love and kindness and you do it together. There is joy in giving.
Do things instead...cut paper dolls, make snowflakes and decorate the house, paper chains and popcorn stringing for tree which can be branches you steal (take) from a tree someone not by someone's house or at a park or something...one year, I was poor I found left over ones at a tree lot they leave for people who need free ones. Make homemade ornaments..make hot chocolate and sing Carols and tell christmas stories and read the christmas story by candlelight..have a picnic in bed or sleep under tree if you get one like a sleepout in the living room. The dollar store is a good place for a few gifts. Do it after christnmas if you didn't. This is important..it is not too late to do this in the next few day..christmas..sometimes I have it a day or two after christmas if there are scheduling problems and it feels the same as doing it the 25th..so if you didn't go yesterday. still do some of these..
Play card or board games...make up stories...paint her toenails and brush her hair..touch her a lot. teach her to crochet or knit and make little things..if snowing, make snow ice cream (with vanilla, milk and sugar with clean snow..make snow scultures and spray with food coloring, make up a play and act it out, let her cook..
go to a firestation and tell them you have no gifts..I bet they will come through and adopt your family and find some food or gifts. The best present you can give her is your time, playing with her, loving her, complimenting her..be honest..tell her money is tight...thank God that unlike most families who lose Christmas in the midst of rushing and tons of toys, you have the opportunity to make this one of the most fun and memorable Christmases of her life. If this gets to you too late, do it the 26th or 27th...make pine cones bird feeders and chunks of carrots and leave on tree for birds and animals. Laugh...watch christmas movies or get from library..ask her fior ideas for fun things to do..I also did writing things like you each write things like "name one physical featurwes you love about mom/daughter" "what I really like/admire about you is" "you are the best (blank)..etc..these create warmth and love..
As far as food, go to a food pantry or call a church..they will probably help you..if you don't have one, go once to a real big church and tell them you have attended before...when I was first divorced with no money, I was helped by a church...given two old cars to get to college to try to get a job when noone would hire me,( they even gave me $25 of gas --it was a church in a rich sectionof town that I had attended.. once a stranger paid my gas when I called church for prayer when they were shutting it off..a big brother's type group at church to kids out and did manly things like fix bikes and work on cars etc..they helped me moved and paid for moving van when I had no money for when we lost our house.
My son's school had a food pantry and one day shortly after I went to school to explain my absence one week from my son's kindergarten when my older son cut his arm badly by putting it through a glass window thinking it was open and needed 54 stiutches..they were shutting off water and electric one day, gas the next (I didn't even know bills were overdue as he had them sent to work), and no car 2 months and phone long gone. I burst out crying in front of the teacher in my stress. My brother asked to stay at my house a few days as he was fighting with my mom and I left him with a book of bible verses arranged for when you are sad, fearful, nagry, etc. He has just read the verses "why worry about your fod, the Lord feeds the birds and you are far more valuable" and the dorrbell rang, he answered door and found 5 bags of groceries and no one there. Later found out the church school my son attended left the food when the upset kindergarten teacher told the principal my story..God works in mysterious way and this, too, shall pass.
Adversity although we hate it does make us stronger. I strongly suggest food pantry or church..we have a help line called first link which refers people with probles to agencies for help..you are not the worst mother..I'd say blame dad...from what I know..if you can get your need out to the community, they will surprise you with their generousity..don't be ashamed..help there for situations like this..try to get into subsidized housing to make rent more affordable. If no first link type line, call suicide prevention and tell them you are stressed out and very upset and need to talk, they will listen and this helps reduce stress and gets you through the week and they can refer you maybe to places that can help..they do this here at least..if there is an emergency mental health center hotline, call it to talk.
They are many ways to make the holidays and other days special..go to the library and get books on things to do and things to make and how to live cheaply.
Do not waste money on unhealthy foods like raimon noodles and white bread toast (eggs are good though)..go for produce, potatoes, beans, whole grains, fruit nut breads,(banana/date/apple with whole grain flours, etc) breads, chicken legs and homemade veggies and other soups..
You need foods condusive to health and stress reduction and these foods you mention are not healthy and fog up your brain which you need to work well to solve problems. Go to stores like aldi's to get produce as it is really cheap there. Spagetti (whole wheat is good and cheap).
Use herbs for medicines and learn to make tinctures at 1/10th the cost of stores tinctures. Use orgainc herbs if possible..some stores sell an ounce for a dollar or two..the vodka needed to extract the herb properties is the most expensive but the tintures will last 5-50 years and so your can have on hand.
Do not be ashamed to seek public assistance if you are eligible..for help with food by food stamps, medical etc.. Remember many people with money are unhappy..if you have your health and a child/family you love, this is important. I understand poverty having lived far under the poverty line all my 57 years..I have 5 1/2 years of college, summa c um laud but became disabled..my creativity and intelligence got me through many of the rough spots..sometimes I have found when I try to trust God, things happen like they put credits on my bills or make a grocery error in my favor like at kroger's ringing up wrong price on a higher priced item and if price worng, they have to give you free, or I am given money or something odd happens to help..some of the things have just been so amazing, it has to be God..at other times, God is silent...
But remember mommy, you have nothing to be ashamed off..many poor parents are the most loving and wonderful ones and the kids don't even notice being poor and remember how great their mom or dad was instead..remember Loretta Lynn's song the coalminer's daughter. We were poor but we had love...
To make extra money, I did little jobs where I could take my kids like delivered phone books, babysat, cleaned house, etc and I always found a way to get good clothes, plenty of toys, fun things to do on vacations close to home, tons of books, and holidays memories.
In the 80's, my ex gave me $9.00 a week to buy food for four, gas for my old car, all paper products and cleaners, etc, clothes for four, all holiday gifts, baby showers, wedding, etc...I became a miracle worker...I learned thrift and tips to survive and as I said my kids had everything important. Plus there are thrift stores and books can be gotten nowadays a stores sometimes for a quarter..look for sales. Back then $9.00 was VERY little and we made less than $3000 a year and gualified for foos stamps but he was self employed and would not give me the paper work..so we were poor Backthen I found a free clinic, even now some of the real big churches have doctor care available. Churches are filled with people who want to help..who love to help...don't be ashamed...they want to share love not embarrass you..be accepting their aid, you are enriching their place in heaven by allowing them to feed the hungry, shelter the homeles, etc..your need may be something God alllowed to teach others how to love and give or some lessons...trust Him..he loves you deeper than a mother he says...maybe your mom even interceeded for you for help and has a person with the answer to your needs..you trust you let your needs be known and somehow, someway, God will get that message to that person if you both listen to Him..you be seeking and then be giving..you are a blessing to someone's life and God makes good come out of bad..you might even wind up with a job from this eventually via contacts..who knows? Even if the answers aren't forthcoming, do your best, be creative and muich of what we worry about never happens. It is sad, though, that you are that poor, you can't only afford a letter. I hear your pain, but do the things I suggested and alter your percption..not a shortcoming of a Christmas but one long of real meaning...go for it.
and if not naturally smart, creative, thrifty..seek out books for this..libraries are free and a wealth of knowledge..they may also have suggestions for ays to help you survive financially (agencies) Good Luck...don't be sad....you give her life and love and that is a lot more important than things...when you think of your mom, do you remember things you have gotten or things yyou have done. Most say the latter..you may not be ablre to get a lot of things but you can do a lot of things...don't forget.
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